DAY 21:

Being stubborn is a blessing and a curse

A blessing because you don’t take shit from people

A curse because you convince yourself of things that aren’t true

Your gut makes life’s decisions

And nothing anyone has to say is going to change that

You may nod and smile while people are advising you

But inside you are laughing

Inside you are cringing

Inside you are thinking how wrong they are

And the problem is, people aren’t always wrong

And you aren’t always right

I am stubborn in the sense that I have seen a lot

I have been through a lot

Witnessed things no one ever should

And been hurt in ways I cant even speak about

Damaged beyond repair

So when things went to absolute hell

The only person there was me

So the only opinion that matters is mine

I make my decisions

I choose my path

And while that is all well

And that is all dandy

There comes a time when you need to listen

Not only listen, you have to consider peoples thoughts

Maybe not all people,

But the people who matter to you

Stubborn people shut others out

Stubborn people make a goal

And don’t give up until they cross the finish line

Stubborn people take the pain

Because their gut is telling them its worth it

Their gut is telling them keep fighting

Their gut is screaming to keep going

But sometimes the gut is wrong

Sometimes the gut is corrupted

Corrupted by lies

And misinterpretations

And deciet

Those sneaky ones who are so good at lying it becomes who they are

They become the lie

And they are the only people capable of fooling a stubborn independent person

Because you see through the ones who suck at lying

You see through those who are insecure

You see through those who are selfish

And those who are lost

And those who are seeking attention

But the ones who act genuine

Who portray this saint like attitude

They are the ones who will destroy you

They are the ones capable of demolishing a stubborn persons walls

They are so good at what they do they leave you confused

So confused because normally you are so good at reading people

People are like books

And you stuck around because this book was a little more difficult to read

It was a little more interesting

There were notes between the lines

And secrets in the seams

There were chapters that never ended

And cliffhanger after cliffhanger

These people are like drugs for us stubborn people

Because they are so lost

They are so lost we want to figure them out

Like a puzzle

Because we get bored with the open books

We get bored with the same stories

The basic lives

The normal people

We get bored because we talk to them for a minute and we know them

We read their eye contact

And their body language

And the way they say words

And the way they react to things you say

And based on that we know them

That may sound judgmental but these kind of people have a reason for their abilities

And the reasons are deep and complex

Whether they stem from a tough childhood

A broken household

Or just a string of unfortunate events

These type of people have seen too much for their age

Had to grow up to fast

Were forced to be more then they were ready to be

We rarely let people in

Really let them in

Hurt has formed us

And pain has made us strong

I was too stubborn to give up on you

I was too stubborn to let you go

I was too stubborn because my damn gut was crying

Crying to hold onto to you

It was acting in ways it never had

And maybe it was right

Maybe you were just in the wrong

But either way I shouldn’t have let you walk all over me for as long as I did

I shouldn’t have let you back every time I pushed you away

I shouldn’t have give you so many chances

But the fact is,

I did

I did do all those things

And though I regret it now because of how things ended

I dont want to regret it

Because I’m stubborn and wont accept I wasted my time

I will find peace with how things ended

I will solve the mystery you left for me

I will crawl out of the darkness you left me in

And I will look in your eyes one day

And I will see all the reasons I fell in love with you

And my gut will scream I was right

It was real

And then I will walk away

Because not everyone is meant to stay in your life

And love isn’t always fair

If anything you have made me more stubborn

But you have also taught me to listen to others

And to accept failures

I failed with you

And it has to be okay

It will be okay


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