DAY 30:

Moving on is this vicious cycle

You are angry

And then you’re sad

Then you’re numb

Then you’re over it

Or you think you are

But a week later it starts all over again

Anger

Sadness

Numb

Done

At least that’s how its been for me

Some phases last longer then others

Some days I feel fine

I feel normal and happy and alive

And I think it happens this way just because your body

Your mind

You heart and soul

Are all trying to rebuild themselves at once

So you are sad it ended

You miss him

You are angry because you don’t understand

You hate him

You are numb because you are broken

You resent him

You are over him because he did you wrong

You’re done with him

But you’re not

You’re on your way to recovery but you’re not there yet

I’m not there yet

I’m still trying to put the pieces together

The puzzle that is you

The puzzle I will never finish

But I will find bits and peices everyday

When I don’t want to think about you

When I don’t mean to think about you

When your name comes up

When her name comes up

But I need to focus on myself

I have spent the past year focusing on you

On your problems

On your struggles

On you

But its time I put myself back together

Im not going to find someone to take away the pain

To fill the void that you left

Because the truth is I don’t want anyone

I don’t want to be talking to anyone

And I’m not ready to put myself out there yet

I don’t want too and I don’t have too

So I will find myself again

I will find my center

Re organize my thoughts and my morals

I will find peace with my mistakes and how things ended between us

I will forgive you

And I will forgive myself

I will be happy

And one day the thought of you happy

Will make me even happier

Because I will always care about you

You were my first love

And I don’t know that we just stop loving people

When you truly love someone

A part of you never gives up on them

A part of you is with them

You will love them in someway forever

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1 thought on “DAY 30:”

  1. This is exactly how I felt…its been 3 months and it finally hurts less, it’s still there but it doesn’t hurt as much…im trying to “socialize” but most people still get on my nerves, I guess I need more time. But I’m better, you will be to😊

    Like

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