DAY 40:

It’s these “almost” relationships that kill us

There are a million and one reasons you can’t be together

You never saw this person coming

And you tried everything you could to not get attached

But the sleepovers began to mean something

The kisses were like nothing you’d ever felt before

You knew it was so much more then two people

Then two friends spending the night

More then a hookup here and there

You found yourself wanting to be in their arms always

You found yourself thinking about them in everything you do

But a part of you knew it couldn’t be

Not now

Maybe not ever

But there was something special about this person

Something real

Something worth waiting for

Something worth making sacrifices for

You clung onto their hand when the storms came

You held them when it passed

You mended them back to health

You did everything for them

And you got nothing in return

Because the reasons remained

So you got hurt and picked yourself up again

Because you saw so much happiness with this person

You saw a future

It was bright and it was so good

So bright it blinded you

These almost relationships destroy us

They destroy us because they are filled with what ifs

And fake promises

And so much potential

And you fall for it all

But those reasons will always remain

And you will see that there really was no future

That this person didn’t choose you for reasons

Some of them completely out of your control

Some of them simply because you weren’t enough

Or you were too much

It was too real it was scary

There was someone else he cared for more

Whatever it is,

It isn’t always your fault,

And don’t convince yourself it wasn’t real

Because you will drive yourself mad

Me and you never got the ending I wanted

We never sat down and closed the book

We never wrote the last lines

So you are angry

And I am sad

And since there was no official beginning

I guess there will be no official ending

I guess it will forever be a “what if” story

A half written novel

But the feelings were real

And you couldn’t handle it

And you still can’t handle it

So now you will stuck with these “what ifs”

And eventually I won’t think about them anymore

Because I will accept what we had

I will accept what could have been

And I will smile at you

And my smile will remind you what you lost

Remind you of what you could have had

You will think about the birthdays we could have shared

The trips we planned

The adventures we spoke about

And I hope you regret it

I hope you regret everything

Because that means it was real

That means you cared

I just want to know you cared.