DAY 49:

We all want to be picked

We want to be someone’s first choice

We want to be chosen because we are special

Because we possess something someone else wants

We want to feel important

We want someone to realize our worth

It’s the best feeling to be someones first choice

Someones only choice

Because all the other options have been eliminated

Because the only one that matters in their eyes is you

And sometimes time passes

And suddenly we have to work for this person to choose us

Even though they’re the only ones we want

The only ones we need

Sometimes things change

And other people come along

You hear it in his voice

See it in his eyes

There is something…

Different

So now you find yourself drowning

Drowning in confusion

Suffocating from heartbreak

Because this person stopped choosing you

And you want to know why

You may have other options but you don’t want them

You don’t want them because you want him

But he doesn’t want you anymore

You stopped choosing me

And I fell hard

Gasping for air

As the water filled my lungs

Yelling out your name

But the words never came out

Because I wasn’t going to force you to choose me

Because that’s not real

You can’t make someone pick you

You can’t give someone a new ultimatum everyday

Because then you will simply go days

Or months

Or years

Knowing deep down it isn’t real

Knowing in your soul the ultimatums are a result of fear

You are so scared of losing this person you are forcing them to stay

With subtle threats

And gentle hints

Because the thought of losing them is unbearable

A pain that will never stop hurting

You are so terrified you latch on

And because they care they won’t leave instantly

The decision won’t be an easy one for them

So they take their time walking away

And you can chase them

Run as fast as you can

Tug as hard as you want

But the mind doesn’t change like that

And you forcing him is simply pushing him farther

His heart is elsewhere

And sometimes you have to just let him go

Sometimes you have to send them away

And pray they find what they’re looking for

Pray they realize it’s you

And maybe it is

Or maybe it’s not

We all like control

We like consistency

But the heart isn’t consistent

And the mind is forever changing

Love is messy

And loss even worse

But sometimes you just have to let go

They always say if “you love them, let them go”

And it never made sense to me until just now

You let them go because you want them to find themselves

Knowing maybe they can’t do that with you

You want them to be happy

And you want them to be free

So you let them go

Thats true love right there

When their happiness is more important then your own

And you’d rather they be happy

Even if that means not being with you

You have to let them go

Let them make their own decisions

If they want you

They will choose you

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