DAY 62:

We forget what we deserve when we spend so long settling for OK

Our worth fades with the sound of our beating hearts

When who we thought we were becomes confused with someone we’ve never meet before

Someone who sacrifices their happiness for love

Someone who sacrifices everything they have worked for to earn the love of someone

Because we are convinced this person is worth it and this love is real

This love is worth fighting for

This love is worth hurting for

It’s the love people write books about

The love behind musical master pieces

It’s both tragic and beautiful

Painful and exhilarating

You see now that perhaps that’s not how love is supposed to be

That perhaps, despite everything, you were wrong

You miscalculated

This person came in and out of your life as if you were a door of convenience

They left you with excuses and broken promises

Kept you guessing with mixed signals and false hope

But you believed the excuses and you forgave time and time again

You forced yourself to understand why he didn’t want to be with you at this time

But there are only so many excuses

There are only so many reasons why one cannot be with you

There are only so many times someone can break your heart

Until you are nothing but tears and ashes on the floor

Until there is nothing left of you to break

The pain far outweighs the happiness

And you didn’t see it until you were finally sober of his kisses

Until you distanced yourself so far that running back to him would take too much energy

It would be a long hard battle that you no longer had the strength for

And you are starting to remember the worth he made you forget

You were fine before him and you will be fine after him

You were raised to be strong

To be a ferocious force people feared

A guarded soul

A mystery people found intriguing

A dandelion in a bouquet of roses

An endless pit of questions with no answers

So you never let yourself go

Because subliminally you were saving yourself for that someone

That one who would sweep you off your feet

Who would take on the puzzle that was you

Who didn’t fear your independence

Who wanted to understand why you were the way you were

Why you were so different from the rest

You mistook this person for the one who just broke your heart

You let your walls fall for the wrong one

You made a mistake 

But you deserve someone who would do anything to be with you

Not someone who drags you along healing the blows with kisses and passion

You deserve someone who wants to know about your past

Who asks about the scars

Who looks at you like you’re the only person in the room

Not someone who looks past you at the next girl walking in the door

Not someone who leaves you waiting for a pathetic text or call

If someone loves you they will fight for you

Much like you fought for this someone

Don’t let this mistake make you fear love

If anything, allow this mistake make you believe in love

Because you know for certain you fell in love with this person

The love you felt was real

And it was beautiful

Now imagine you felt that way about someone who reciprocated the same love

Imagine just how incredibly  and utterly beautiful that would be

Now allow this feeling to carry you forward

Allow yourself to find faith in the world once more

Allow yourself to believe in love again

You felt it once and you will feel it again

I will feel it again but I won’t seek it

I will allow the wheels of life to turn the way they are supposed to

And in the meantime I will love myself the way I loved you

I will not allow this to destroy me

And I will remember my worth

 

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